Edward-itis. Are YOU infected?

This article is not mine. The only stuff that's mine are the notes in bold.

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First, check this out. XD Joe’s post on edward-itis. And check Alvin’s list of victims here. By the way, I’m not infected.

Edward-itis, according to my research colleague Joe, has proven to be a dangerously lethal disease. Although originally suggested to be caused by a virus, recent studies has confirmed that the pathogen Edwardus cullenus is the real cause of this particular disease. If one puts statistics into view, an exponentially increasing graph is shown, with x being time and y being the individuals infected.

The supposed pathogen (Edwardus cullenus) is spread around the globe through a number of vectors. But maybe it is better to see the effects of this disease.

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“Oh. My. Gosh. I looooooveee this book! I feel like I’m going to melt!” she said again for the nth time.
“Yeah. Yeah.” I replied. Are girls this stupid?

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The vector, more popularly known by its common name, Twilight, is currently being sold in millions of bookstores around the world.

Men, beware. If females get ahold of this book, better start looking for an illiterate woman. Once the unfortunate girl reads the first word, she is then infected with the disease and is captivated by the mushy words. (MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA)

Edward Cullen, the main protagonist of the book, has appeared in many girl’s hands. A sign that they lost their consciousness and are now living in a dream.

No hopes waking her up.

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Recent studies have also shown that straight guys may turn gay after reading the book. Although an 80% chance that the guy can understand the foreign language the book is written in still exists, some turn gay. As we do not have enough results, this hypotheses will be researched.

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“Hey look! Edward’s there!” I told her.
“Oh MY GOSH!” And before she turns to look, she faints looking drunk with love.

(I respectfully disagree. Her core of existance would at least keep her conscious until she see's him. Then she'll faint. And she would not say that. She would definitely say "Oh MY EDWARD!". You people are soo not in the loop.)

Edward’s, if I may introduce the term, “hut-ness,” is still debatable.
???

An anti-Edward group has formed, bent on mocking those who love Edward Cullen. Girls, watch out. Their words may hurt you. (Ooh, I'm so scared. Words. How about a lethal vampire with dashing good looks? *maniacal laughter*)

Although purely fictional, the disease is real and the pathogen is quickly spreading.

So far… there is NO CONFIRMED CURE.

Edward, however, may be extinguished by a vamFIRE extinguisher. (NOOOOOOOOOOOOO) It is still in the experimental state.

DO NOT ACQUIRE THE VECTOR!!!

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Edward sucks. (Yesh he does <3)

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And hey, people. I have to add, the suffix -itis means inflammation. And, from my own personal experience, I think I know what's imflamed.

The HEART.

*giggle*